Do You Understand Unconditional Love?
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My understanding of unconditional love in the past was to always try to feel Christ-like love for all people. This wasn’t easy to do, but I kept working on this personal goal year after year. It was especially important to me to radiate unconditional love to all my family members. I learned to get up each morning, put a smile on my face, and leave the past in the past. Everybody was given a “clean slate.” I tried to focus on today and expect the best in everyone. If a new problem occurred today, I tried to deal with it today and not bring up or recite a long list of grievances that had happened in the past.
However, in my quest to have “real” or “authentic” relationships with each of my children and grandchildren, if I were upset or angry with one of them, I would tell them so. I believed that it was okay to be mad as long as I followed up afterwards and showed unconditional love to them in the future. In reading two books by the author Greg Baer, I learned a happier, more emotionally healthy way to discipline. Along with unconditional love, he recommends consistent, realistic consequences that truly help children learn self-reliance and responsibility.
Real Love:
The truth about finding unconditional love and fulfilling relationships
Real Love in Parenting:
Nine simple and powerfully effective principles for raising happy and responsible children
Correct Principles
When I first listened to these two books on Audible, I didn’t agree with all the principles and techniques that were discussed. However, as I pondered the messages and listened to each book a second time, I realized these were correct principles that were being taught. This is when I decided I needed to make some changes in my life! This has definitely been a paradigm shift for me.
No Anger!
In both of Greg Baer’s books, he clearly states, “If you’re angry, you’re wrong!” He explains the importance of talking to your spouse or your children in a calm, loving way at all times. Otherwise, he says, your family members will not feel your unconditional love. I decided to try and form a new habit of NO anger!
Fortunately, my husband and I made a commitment to each other when we first got married that we would always speak kindly to each other, and we have always tried to do this. However, Baer’s books also talk about being completely honest with one another. David and I both have non-confrontational personalities and neither of us wanted to have conflict with each other, so we avoided talking about any subject that might cause stress. That was not good either! We gradually learned to have the courage to be intentionally honest with each other over the years. As our communication skills increased, we felt safe in talking about our true thoughts and feelings. Being both kind and honest became our new goal.
Another point Greg Baer makes is that you can’t love someone else unconditionally until you have felt the unconditional love of another person. Just knowing you are unconditionally loved by one person will open up your heart and mind so you can start radiating unconditional love to others. This is such a rich blessing—to feel unconditionally loved and then to give it to another person!
Peace Is A Choice
In Dallin H. Oaks October 2020 General Conference talk he said, “Thomas S. Monson taught that anger is “Satan’s tool,” for “to be angry is to yield to the influence of Satan. No one can make us angry. It is our choice.” (Thomas S. Monson, “School Thy Feelings, O My Brother,” Ensign, Nov. 2009, 68.) He also quoted President Russell M. Nelson who encouraged us to “expand our circle of love to embrace the whole human family.” (Russell M. Nelson, “Blessed Are the Peacemakers,” Ensign, Nov. 2002, 41.)
Do Whatever It Takes
If we have the habit of getting angry at our spouse, our children, or other people, we can change. We might need professional counselling. We might need some kind of support group. We might need an intense period of studying good books and scriptures on the subject, coupled with fervent prayer. We might need other kinds of help. Whatever it takes, we must get rid of our anger. We need to be at peace. We deserve to be loved unconditionally and to give unconditional love to others in return.
I believe it will help us be free from angry feelings
if we continually remember the teachings in the Bible:
The Greatest Commandment
“Master, which is the great commandment in the law?Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.This is the first and great commandment.And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”
Rule Your Spirit
“ He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty; and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.”
Soft Answer
“A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.”