Reflections on Marriage—N is for Nice
I found a few quotes about being nice from the website, Brainy Quote, which I felt went along well with my subject this month, “N is for Nice” from the ABC’s for a Happy Marriage.
It's so important to keep a marriage alive
with small treats and doing little things for each other.
Just remembering to say nice things
and to have listening time is vital.
That ghastly phrase 'quality time'
means taking three minutes to sit down
and be still with someone
rather than yelling over your shoulder
as you rush out.
—Joanna Lumley
Being nice doesn't necessarily mean you're weak.
You can be nice and be strong at the same time.
That's a character trait that we need
more in Washington.
—Shelley Moore Capito
For one thing,
there is absolutely nothing wrong with being nice.
There is nothing uncool about it;
there's nothing wrong with being kind.
—Jack McBrayer
When you're nice,
you're not bullying people.
But when you're kind,
you stand up against the bully.
—Daniel Lubetzky
Real generosity
is doing something nice
for someone
who will never find out.
—Frank A. Clark
It is nice to be important,
but it's more important to be nice.
—John Templeton
In the conference address, “Endure to the End in Charity,” by Hartman Rector Jr., which was given in October 1994, he explains the importance of being nice and serving others.
Yes, we must be nice. If we’re not nice, I don’t think we’re going to make it. In other words, we must have charity, which is really love plus sacrifice. We must serve our fellowmen, women, and children, and if we do all else but we do not serve the poor, the needy, the downtrodden, the oppressed, the sick and afflicted, both temporally and spiritually, according to their wants, we cannot retain a remission of our sins from day to day. Without serving others, we cannot “walk guiltless before God” (Book of Mormon: Mosiah 4:26).
The first time I heard Hartman Rector express this counsel to “be nice,” was when he was speaking to a group of students at Brigham Young University in 1971. I was a freshman, and I still remember sitting in that room and thinking to myself, “Is that the answer to how I can truly be a faithful member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?”
As I reflected on that simple phrase, “Be nice,” for a long time, I realized that he was right. Any time I was unkind to anyone, the sweet, spiritual feelings that I yearned to have with me at all times, would suddenly disappear. To be at peace with myself, and be a devoted disciple of Jesus Christ, I had to be nice.
Is it always easy to be nice? No.
It sometimes means you must “bite your tongue” and refuse to say the first unkind words you think about when someone annoys or offends you. It sometimes means leaving the room or going for a short walk when your feel stressed out or completely overwhelmed with a certain situation. It sometimes means going to your bedroom, dropping to your knees, and praying for relief when the same old problem keeps presenting itself over and over again.
What I have learned about being nice is that you need to set your own boundaries, and uphold them, if you are going to have any serenity in your life. You not only have to be nice to other people, you have to be nice to yourself. You can’t just pretend to be nice, because people, especially children, are very sensitive to what you are really feeling. I’ve learned that I have to be real in my speech. Sometimes the nicest, most honest thing I can say is, “I’m feeling very angry, and I can’t talk right now. Let’s talk later when we are both feeling calm.”
I want to be a nice person. When I blow it and say something unkind, I try to apologize. I’m still striving to “be nice” at all times, but I’m not there yet. However, I know I can look to my Savior as my example. As I read the New Testament, I am amazed at how Jesus handled every situation well. He was consistently strong, direct, truthful, compassionate, loving, and nice. When he was so cruelly treated before his crucifixion, he stood courageously and said nothing (Matthew 27:12-14).
Yes, we need to “be nice.”
Be nice to your spouse. Be nice to your children. Be nice to you parents, siblings, and other relatives. Be nice to all people. As you consistently practice trying to be nice to everyone, your brain can re-wire itself and form different pathways, and a new habit will be formed. Pretty soon, being nice all the time will start to feel normal!*
N - Nice
Nice
means being respectful,
kind, and considerate
in your thoughts,
words, and actions
toward each other,
for when these
common courtesies become
consistent in marriage,
you will always
be best friends.
Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:
—1 Peter 3: 8
*For more information about forming new pathways and “re-wiring” your brain, please read the book, The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and Business, by Charles Duhigg.